One of the best books I’ve read is “Radical Honesty – How to Transform Your Life By Telling the Truth” by Brad Blanton, PhD.
Dr. Blanton does an amazing job of illustrating how we are prisoners of the confines of our mind, and how stressful and exhausting it is to continue propping up stories that no longer serve us.
He convincingly and hilariously demonstrates why telling the truth in all circumstances will set you free.
As a recovering people pleaser, I can say that every time I tell the truth, like marriage is freaking hard, or parenting can put me over the edge on some days, not only do I feel liberated, but I connect with people who feel the same way, which brings us all out of judgement and isolation.
I remember a recruiter trainer I heard speak several years ago say, “Say to your client what you are thinking into the phone. Don’t wait to hang up and then complain to your colleagues instead”. Every time I did this and do this now I feel a surge of empowerment and discover, not only do I not die (bonus!), but the client actually has more respect for me and treats me better going forward.
Telling the truth is hard, but it gets easier with lots and lots of practice. It can even be kind of fun from a shock value perspective!
What lies are you telling yourself that are keeping you feeling resentful, trapped, and stuck? Start with telling yourself the truth and it will get easier to do with others!
Being honest with yourself is the one of the most profound acts of kindness you can give to yourself and others.
I have found the best way to get to the truth that you are not even able to admit to yourself is by regular journaling and asking yourself good high quality questions. You can read about my daily practice here, but in the meantime, just take out a notebook and write at the top, “What’s the truth?” and see what comes out on the page.